My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
