So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
