I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
