Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
