There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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