I just cut my nipple shaving
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
