Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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