it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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