he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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