I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
do herpes really smell.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
