he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
