Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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