im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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