Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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