I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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