If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
