This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
