I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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