Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize