So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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