Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
