I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
