we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
