Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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