Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
