so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wear drunk well.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
