once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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