my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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