I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
