That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
