i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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