We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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