my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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