i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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