I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
