Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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