summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
