Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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