Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
