I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
porn star boner night. come get it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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