im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
