i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
