Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
