You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
