I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
