my phone needs a breathalizer
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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