whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
