I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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