Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
