You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
