Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
