i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
