Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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