I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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