i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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