champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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