You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
