Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
