i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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