So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
