Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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