so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
