I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
