planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
