Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
