Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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