Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she told me i tasted like america
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
