I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
