Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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