I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
