Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
