So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
