thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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