I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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