When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize