just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
