He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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