we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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