Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
